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• BRAZEN BACKYARD BLUNDERS by Aphrodite Beamish, submitted 21 July,2005
  Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005.BRAZEN BACKYARD BLUNDERS-- Or, how to avoid doing things you shouldn’t do in your yard --By Aphrodite Beamish, a half-witted, hey-nonny-nonny harridan and makeover maven of bliss-challenged, breathtakingly bewildering if not botched-up backyards of AmericaThe dog..
• A tale of the hunt by Gregory J. Ballan, submitted 20 July,2005
  My good friend Brian and I love hunting. We’ve been chasing the elusive Whitetail deer all across the fields and woodlands of our home state of Massachusetts. Now, Massachusetts isn’t regarded as a great hunting state, but there are deer here, you just have to gain access to the privately held l..
• I LEFT MY TOES IN TUKTOYAKTUK by Theolonius McTavish, submitted 19 July,2005
  Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005I LEFT MY TOES IN TUKTOYAKTUK-- Or, Tittynoping Tales from a Tavern Fox --Theolonius McTavish, a trivial talkingstock (an Old English term for an object of conversation) who inevitably forgets the punch-lines to knock-knock jokes and consequently is rarely offered f..
• A Few Tips On Comic Book Bags by AAA-Collectables, submitted 18 July,2005
  Comic Book Backing Boards come in different thicknesses and acid-free properties. The basic purpose for using a backing board is to give the comic some stiffness, which helps keep the comic pages from bending, creasing or wrinkling. When a backing is placed in the center of the comic it protects the..
• Space Exploration, and the Room for it! by Thick Mick., submitted 15 July,2005
  Space exploration came a long way since I was the size of a measurable amount of it.I remember with some pain, my first ride on a penny farthing with its big wheel and long spokes that were well engineered to cut a foot or two off anyone's legs.With good timing though, I used my head and saved my l..
• The Guy Who Wished He Was a Fly by greggb, submitted 15 July,2005
  You should be careful what you wish for. I know this because I knowed a guy who always used to wish he was a fly. He wished he was a fly so he could buzz around and go in peoples houses and listen on to what they was saying without them knowing he was there. He always would say, “I wish I could be..
• A Lawyers Favorite Lawyer Jokes by Richard A. Chapo, submitted 14 July,2005
  Lawyer JokesQ: How does a pregnant woman know she is carrying a future lawyer?A: She has an extreme craving for baloney.Q: What is the legal definition of “Appeal”?A: Something a person slips on in a grocery store.Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?A: To practice.Q: What do you call ..
• The Six-Year-Old Truck Driver by Janette Blackwell, submitted 11 July,2005
  When he was six my little brother Davie graduated from driving toy trucks to driving the real thing. He persuaded Daddy to let him drive the truck -- alone -- across the fields of our Montana farm and around the farmyard. Davie knew all about truck driving by then. He had seldom missed a movement Da..
• Little Guy on Wheels by Janette Blackwell, submitted 11 July,2005
  Mamma was a strong believer in heredity, and she believed our family’s German heritage predisposed us to two things: hard work and stubbornness. The gene for hard work lay pretty low in us kids while we were growing up, but stubbornness kicked in fast.So one might say that what happened one summer..
• THINGS GRANNIES SHOULD NEVER SAY OR DO by Aphrodite Beamish, submitted 11 July,2005
  Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005.THINGS GRANNIES SHOULD NEVER DO OR SAY -- Or, what women of a certain age should DO and SAY to have some fun! --According to Webster, (a wicked if not witless wordsmith), a “granny” is “a fussy person”. Clearly, “granny” ranks right up there with all th..
• A moron's account of 4th grade. by greggb, submitted 10 July,2005
  Ah looking back on 4rth grade, it was not my favorite grade, 3erd grade was my favorite grad butt when I think about all the grades I had in school 4rth grade was not a bad grade. My teacher for 4rth grade was Mister Tony, he was a very smart and very nice teacher and he was also the biggest teacher..
• HOW TO CANOODLE WITH A CANUCK IN A CANOE by Theolonius McTavish, submitted 09 July,2005
  Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005.HOW TO CANOODLE WITH A CANUCK IN A CANOE --Or, Welcome to Climax, Saskatchewan!Canada is a pretty straight-laced, peaceful place, where seldom is heard a discouraging word and the skies are not cloudy all day, except for eleven and a half months of the year affecti..
• Tranni D’Electric and why men are such pleasant pigs! by Tranni D'Electric., submitted 09 July,2005
  My daddy always said that men are great with a shovel. My mammy always said that women are great at emotional issues.I say that men are pleasant pigs and women are pleasant pig observers.Since I left high school, my opinions have been gradually changing. I used to think that boys were smelly but now..
• Do you suffer from too much GAS? by Mixedlexia, submitted 09 July,2005
  It is well documented that too much gas can be detrimental.Gas can cause severe stomach cramps.Certain gases can be harmful to the enviroment.Other gases can consume oxygen, and basically "smother" you.Particular diets can be related to gas.Heavy gases can even cause back ache, lumbago, shoulder in..
• A WORD ABOUT INTELLIGENT SHOES & DUMB SOULS by O.P. Hadweenzic, submitted 08 July,2005
  Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005.A WORD ABOUT INTELLIGENT SHOES & DUMB SOULS-- Or, Are You Walking on Thin Ice or Running Nowhere Fast? --**By Professor Ovid Publius Hadweenzic, a latitudinarian linguist from the University of Ecum Secum in Old Sweat, Nova Scotia (with an abiding interest in the h..
• THE TWISTED-TONGUE TOURNAMENT by Adrian Air-of-Sleet, submitted 05 July,2005
  Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005THE TWISTED-TONGUE TOURNAMENT-- Or, Calling All Weird-Word Whizbangers! -- **By Adrian Air-of-Sleet, a pleasure-seeking, mandolin-playing, maroon-hairpiece sort of fellow who enjoys Italian weddings, spelling bees, and the Calgary StampedeWhile I was perusing severa..
• Country Pastimes 3: Impromptu farm concerts by Simon Mitchell, submitted 05 July,2005
  Since the demise of foxhunting and hunting with dogs in the countryside, there are thousands of dispossessed toffs wandering around with nothing to do. To compensate we offer here the new shape of country activities. I was in the garden playing a guitar that attracted the attention of a small bird. ..
• Country Pastimes 2: Bale surfing by Simon Mitchell, submitted 05 July,2005
  Since the demise of foxhunting and 'hunting with dogs' in the countryside, there are thousands of dispossessed toffs wandering around with nothing to do. To compensate we offer here the new shape of extreme and dangerous landsports. 2. Bale surfing The new shape of hay bales has created the little k..
• The Bare Truth About My Butt Quiz by Timothy Ward, submitted 04 July,2005
  Forget about the SAT, never mind the FCAT, and remove forever from you mind any thoughts about the ACT. All these test pale in comparision to the examination that I just failed. Failing those test may have minor repurcussions like never making it into college and therefore being forced to work at fa..
• Learning To Be Funny by Bryan Brewster, submitted 01 July,2005
  For some people, being funny can be a bit of a challenge. As a matter of fact, I used to be one of them. When I would try to tell a joke that wasn't made up by someone else, people would look at me with an expression that said, "Would you like... a straight jacket!?!"Most humor contains an element ..

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Anyone bored these days is not paying attention. (Bill Copeland)